Chuck the Supertaster -- "Super bud powers, Activate!" (AKA the foodie entry)

[And, yes, the Wonder Twins reference was straight out of Chuck's mouth...]

I'm beginning to develop an aversion to foodies. I don't say that lightly since I'm in love with one. But, between the many TV shows, radio shows (sorry, Splendid Table), and now movies, I'm starting to get the heebies at having to listen to someone describe how they would cook something.

Chuck has long been under the delusion that he is a supertaster. These supposed skills are ones that plague my relationship with food; whether its me cooking at home or us dining out, nothing escapes his ever critical eye. Signs that he's ready to spring into a culinary tirade include wrinkling his nose, shaking of his head, and a strange hesitation before speaking, as though he's searching for just the right words to adequately describe just how awful whatever meal we happen to be having is.

This has all come to a head as it's been a busy two weeks for me and one that had been full of new, local dining experiences. Before I hop to it, I'd like to disclaim that if you happen to be employed or own any of the businesses I'm about to talk about, please do not take this as a bad remark. Chuck is too damn picky for his own good, and your best bet when you see us coming is to flip over the "Open" sign, turn off the lights, and duck behind your counters. If you happen to be in the Greater Lansing area and would like to try one of these business, please do and develop your own opinion. Remember, Chuck is the same guy that would stand at his own mother's shoulder and criticize how she's cooking, so he is bound to be disappointed at every turn.

We've eaten at three new restaurants and one previous favorite, but each had their own qualm of one form or another. A new wing-joint opened up near our house and we've eaten there twice. Both times, Chuck did not really enjoy his wings. Each time, he ordered two sets of 6, each with a different "flavor", thinking that it would be the sauce they were tossed in; yet, each time, the wings were not saucy at all and the flavoring was infused in the skin of the wings. So, the only reason he'd really want to go back would be for the strong drinks and cute waitresses (both of which he really shouldn't be worrying about).

Our next victim was the a new deli that had opened up within the past few months. Chuck had the corned beef sandwich (which should be "the cornerstone of any deli shop"). It's been over a week since that experience and he's still griping about that meal. If it wasn't the rye bread that wasn't rye bread (in his opinion), it was definitely the chipped condition of the corned beef that he received and the fact that it was microwaved before making it into the sandwich that totally turned him off to the place. Also not working in the deli's favor was an episode of No Reservations that we happened to watch that evening in which Bourdain revisited some of his favorite places in Lower Manhattan, one of which was a deli shop. In that shop, the corned beef was sliced by hand, not by machine (which will lead it to break apart easier). After watching that episode, Chuck was certain that he didn't see the staff cut the meat before making our sandwiches, so he was sure that either the corned beef was overcooked or cut by machine. My knock against this restaurant was that I had ordered a side of hummus, and received tortillas to eat with it (not pita bread). The Syrian in me died just a little that day.

Our next stop was an old fav in Williamston. The main reason I bring this restaurant up is because the food is good, Chuck's only complaint was that he thought his burger was overdone and not the "medium" he requested, and this was the setting in which we finally were able to talk it out about his constant food harping. I'm not sure how we got onto this subject, but I was very clearly laying out how his heavy critique of food is really a downer when going places with him. His only retort was that he couldn't help himself; he was a bona fide supertaster. Using the wiki reference as a guide, we talked through it and found that, indeed, all of the foods that he hates are ones that supertasters are supposedly sensitive to. Maybe there is some truth to what he's saying -- no normal person hates coffee and olives, right?

We managed to make it until this past weekend before eating out. Between going to the Great Lakes Folk Fest, the Jazz Fest in Old Town, and heading to the movies, we were too pressed for time to run home and cook. A new hot dog restaurant opened downtown and we decided to try it out for dinner. As we took our seats at the counter in the center of the restaurant, I should have paid better attention to our surroundings. The place had only a few other diners, so we easily could have had any number of places to sit. But, no, we made straight for the horse-shoe shaped counter, which proved to be a terrible place to be. Placed right in front of us on the other side of the counter was the food prep area and steam table. There were a ton of regionally-themed hot dogs to choose from -- each varying from the other based on the toppings and whether it consisted of a Chicago red hot or a Koegels dog. I had the Chicago dog and can say that I was very happy with it. Chuck, however, paid far too much attention and nearly went to a major bitchfest when he saw the cook place our dogs into their buns and put them into the microwave ("Gah! The microwave!") It was all over for him from there. He ordered two dogs and I'd like to say that they were the Kansas City dog and the Atlanta dog, but I really can't be sure if I'm remembering correctly. I tried to phase him out as best as I could after that.

But, I seem to be alone around here in my all-out attack on foodies. Saved on the DVR are many episodes of shows like Barbeque University, America's Test Kitchen, and Man vs. Food. Last week, I was weaving in the dining room and listening as Chuck watched an episode of Man vs. Food where Adam was in North Carolina trying to break a chili dog eating contest by trying to scarf down 15 dogs in an hour. I couldn't help but think about what a tremendous waste of food that was and what a better show it would be if he could find 3 or 4 hungry kids in the city he happened to be in who he could feed the 15 dogs to rather than eat them himself.

The true irony is that the very next day, I received an invitation from my sister-in-law to attend a "food fight party". I kid you not. Here's the party description:

"Everyone needs to bring a dish to THROW & a dish to PASS. Wear a bathing suit to swim in. Bring clothes that can be ruined & a dry change of clothing. You may want to bring a pair of swim goggles to protect your eyes.

Suggested foods to bring for throwing: Oatmeal, cream of wheat, grits, mashed potatoes, pudding, cool whip, jello, cream of corn, pasta, cake…

• Please do not bring food that is spicy, high in acid or citrus.

• Stick to foods that are soft without sharp edges."

What is it with being so wasteful? Needless to say, I am not going to be able to attend this party.

So there you have it folks. There isn't really an ending to the tirade for me. I just need to get somehow recharge my defenses, regain my calm, neutral nerves, and prepare to be the "good" partner to Chuck by just smiling and nodding the next time his food senses are offended.

Next time, I promise to talk more about the knitting, weaving, movies. Lisa's pattern for her "Kindly Sheep mittens" may be published soon, so I can finally show off pics of that. I'm nearly done with Nancy's "Long wrap cardigan" and she's hoping to have that pattern available this fall, so photos of that will go up soon. We had the inaugural usage of my two sets of hand-woven dinner napkins at last night's knit-in. And, I've seen quite a few movies to talk about: "(500) Days of Summer", "G.I. Joe", and "21 grams". Oddly enough, Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in both of the first two movies, playing very different roles. I didn't know he was in 'Joe going into it, so it was a little weird to see him there after seeing him play this love-struck guy.

I'm hoping to see this weekend: "Ponyo", "District 9", and "The Hurt Locker". And, unfortunately, I don't have the time to sit in on the John Hughes Festival that's going on at Celebration Cinema, where for $3 each, you can watch "Ferris Beuller", "Sixteen Candles", and "The Breakfast Club" back to back. I was too young to see these on the big screen the first time around and seeing them now would be great, but I just can't be in two places at once....if you happen to go, please let me know how it was. I'm curious to know if the screenings were full.

If you're a movie fan, like me, and are interested in watching movie trailers, I'll leave you with this link to the trailer for "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus". (And, yes, Sarah, you'll want to see this because it has Johnny OMG! Depp....)